HAVE YOU OUTGROWN?

In this deeply honest episode of Subconsciously, Shea opens up about the bittersweet journey of outgrowing people, places, and even past versions of yourself. From friendships that no longer feel like home to seasons of change that stretch your faith and identity, Shea reflects on what it means to evolve.. even when it hurts.

She dives into the beauty of becoming, the sacredness of growth, and the peace that comes with choosing alignment over familiarity. Whether you’re grieving someone still alive or learning to embrace a new chapter, this episode will remind you that outgrowing doesn’t mean you’ve become better... it means you’ve become different, and that difference deserves space to breathe.

✨ Topics:

• The grief of outgrowing people
• Finding peace in change
• Faith and purpose in new seasons
• Learning to release and realign

Follow Shea on Instagram @scoopsubconsciously
and share your thoughts — what does “outgrowing” mean to you? 

Transcript

Hi guys, welcome to Subconsciously. My name is Shea, and this is the place where my subconscious thoughts do the talking. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously. We are entering, "I'm back", Mariah Carey season.

 Today, I just feel like yapping and just letting my brain go. I got my vaccinations and tell me why every time I get vaccinated, I just feel so sick afterwards. Maybe that's because it's working. So, don't mind me if I kind of get off topic or I don't really know what the heck I'm saying. It's okay. Everything will be okay. I guess I want to get real for a second. 

There is a lot of new projects coming up in terms of Subconsciously. And if you guys didn't know as well, I also run a lash page with one of my besties and we're also doing some fun exciting lash stuff very soon as well. Yeah, we have a lot of fun stuff coming up right now on our page we actually have an announcement and probably by the time this podcast episode comes out, we are doing a giveaway. We are doing our first ever lash giveaway! Which means you can win a $50 lash set of any type of choice. Yeah, it's a really exciting one. I've been doing lashes with Shin for maybe about a year now. I'm still in the process of getting certified, so I've just been letting her do it, and I've been doing the media side of it all. But I've been having so much fun, and we just have so much content and so many new things to add to our business next year, and we are just so excited about for it, I know I am anyway. 

But you know that feeling when you kind of are so excited for something, but it also feels quite overwhelming as well? That's kind of how I feel. I kind of said yes to a bunch of things, and I don't really know how to go about it but I know that the Lord will give me some strength and give me the answers and the guidance that I need to get through it. But I know right now in my heart there are some things I need to just let my subconscious kind of speak out.

And the first thing being, I'm so proud of all my friends. I'm so proud of the people I'm surrounded with and the things that they get to do for a living, the things they get to do for their souls. I'm just so happy and so proud that even when the world is so dark, they are still doing amazing things. 

I got to spend some time in the music realm lately and someone just showed me some of their artist work. And I just had this moment where I'm listening to it and I'm really like "whoa I love the groove of this" or "dang that emotion", "those harmonies" like all of these things but I just had a moment with one of the songs where I was like "oh this this hits, this is exactly what I needed" and I just started crying out of nowhere. I just was telling this person how it's so lovely to watch them grow and so lovely to see them step into this new season in their life and just see that God had a hand in their life, you know? And then I see just so many people just living out what they need to do for the Lord and I kind of had this moment where I was like, "am I doing the right thing? Am I exactly where I need to be?" But then I had to shut that thought down because I've had existential crises about that. 

You know, I've had those thoughts and those moments where I don't quite know exactly what it means. I don't know. I just had this moment where of realization where I was just so proud of everybody and so proud that they're out there doing what they need to do and doing what they're being called to do. And it's just such a blessing to see right before my eyes. And I know that there's so much more to do. And so this is such a light conversation starter for what we're about to get into. 

But speaking of people, we all have that feeling where we outgrow certain people and no one really tells you what it feels like as you're moving on and growing with these people that are such blessings in your life. No one really tells you what it feels like to group people who are still alive, who have either walked out of your life or you've walked out of their life but you still have that care and that need for them that love for them. 

And so this episode is such a bittersweet episode that I needed to get out because not only does it reflect my life currently, but it also it fully helped me understand how to close a chapter to my life. And so, yeah, let's just dive right into it. I don't even know where this is going to go, but outgrowing people.. Whether we love it or hate it, whether we decide this is the right choice or not, it happens. And there is no stopping your path and there's no stopping their path either. And outgrowing isn't just in relationships. It isn't just in a workplace. It also is with you, you know?

It's so easy to outgrow friends and relationships but what does it mean to outgrow versions of yourself and what does it mean to spend so much time with someone who used to feel like home but slowly home doesn't feel like home with that person and you just feel like It's like moving day and everything is all over the place, you know? And sometimes I feel like we're so set to move into seasons when we are not necessarily prepared for that season. Like sometimes we have the process of, oh, we should probably start packing up certain parts of our lives. Maybe certain traits need to go into the back storage or, you know, things like that.
And we're not fully prepared to outgrow a place. We're not fully prepared to leave a person. 

But what I love, love, love, love about outgrowing people, and maybe this is the bittersweet part, is you're not necessarily outgrowing the person and it's not necessarily their fault, but it's about the growing that you're meant to do as a human being. And it's about where do you see yourself with the guidance of God? Where do you see yourself and what do you have a desire or pull to? And is that really what you're surrounding yourself with? Are you really going out there and surrounding yourself with people who match your goals and or needs?

And it's not to say that we look at relationships or friends or family or work as just opportunities, we look at them as learning curves. "I see this trait in you and I would love to see it in more people." "Oh, I see, I see this person. I want them in my life because I know as they are ever changing, I also want to be ever changing with them." Like you can outgrow versions of yourself and still be with the same people. There's so many aspects of what it means to outgrow people and outgrow situations. And I I don't know, I just had this moment of realization that the love I have for a person or a job or an opportunity or a subject doesn't always mean that I'm 100% of the time going to be aligned with it all the time. There are ebbs and flows in this world and we just have to go with it.

And being so easygoing, it can sometimes feel like, "am I really on a firm foundation or am I on quicksand?" And sometimes we have this moment where it's like we're talking about alignment and we're talking about, "is this where I need to be? But no one around me is doing it." How lonely that can feel and how you feel like you kind of are going at it alone. But as you continue going with the waves, that you go through in this process about outgrowing. You start to realize, although I may be alone, it's only temporary. And truly, if you have that faith-like mindset, you're never alone in what you do. And if you're being called to it, then go for it. 

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is take a step back. Sometimes we as people think we have to jump into everything right away. And sometimes as people, we think that we have to fix everything. We're so conditioned to have everything fixed. And we are so conditioned to help people. Or we are so conditioned to just put a band-aid on it or sweep it under the rug. But when it comes to, you know, outgrowing people, there's only so much dust you can sweep under the rug.And there's only so many band-aids that you can put on the same wound over and over again before it becomes infected. 

And sometimes the pain of outgrowing people means we may even have, like this analogy just came in my head and stick with me if it makes sense, but sometimes outgrowing people can leave permanent scars. Sometimes outgrowing people means that whoever you were, wherever you've been, whatever opportunity or laughs or cries, the reminiscing starts to kick in and you kind of want to ignore growing. You want to just stay the same. You want to glue yourself into place. But what if this piece of the puzzle wasn't actually meant for this puzzle and it was a mystery puzzle? What if all it took was you to just stop living with your eyes closed and realized, is this really what you want to do for the rest of your life? Is this really the person you want to be and or be with for the rest of your life? Do you still want to be treated badly? Do you still want to be living in a world where you don't quite know who you are? 

And I think of that one, it's on like Hope Core side of TikTok or like Hope Core like Instagram reels. But I think it's Eddie Murphy. It's either Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock. I might be thinking the wrong person. But he pretty much says in that reel, you only have approximately 70 to 80 seasons of your life. You've already lived about 20 of them or maybe less. Is this really how you want to live your life? Do you just want to live comfortable with who you are not growing, very stagnant? Or are you going to go do something with it? And I always have that thought in my head of like, every time a season comes, I want to be doing something different in that season. And I don't think a lot of people have that mindset of when a new season comes, they want to change. But I get that instinct constantly. or that calling to do that every season, whether that be in a business, whether that be consistency, whether that be working out, eating healthier, we all have goals for every season. And if you didn't realize it yet, every season comes with a new opportunity to grow. And within a season, you can also outgrow people that may have not lasted from the previous season, or maybe you carry them over with you. 

But the best part about the season is that it's not about, you not caring for them or you're trying to take them with you, but it's about your journey. What does it mean to you to live according to what you want? What does it mean to outgrow someone when they're not growing with you? It's painful and it causes a lot of grief because we all know what it feels like if you watched my grief episode before.

I told you guys what it felt like to grieve someone who is gone, but no one really tells you what it feels like to grieve someone who is very much alive. And it hurts. I think it hurts more sometimes than grieving someone who's dead. And it's not a disrespect thing to the people who have gone on. But it's harder because you have to carry on your life knowing that that person, let's say that person outgrew you or it wasn't the right time or whatever the circumstance may be. It's hard to watch someone else thrive without you.It's hard to watch yourself thrive without them. Vice versa. 

But it's not that you stop caring for that person, but it means wishing them well, even if they did you wrong. And it means that when you grow into that new person, that you won't allow the next person or you won't allow the next season to treat you that way you will stand firm on what you believe that you will stand firm and that you are ready to grow. And whatever growth may look like to you it's not that you stop caring, it just means that you have chosen a peace over familiarity. 

And that's another thing, familiarity is such a big part of why we get so stunted in our growth is that we crave the people who make us comfortable. We crave the things by nature that keep us safe. And sometimes doing the non-safe thing in terms of growth is frowned upon. Not doing the traditional 9 to 5, not doing the traditional things that you are meant to be doing. You can get shamed for that. I personally don't know anyone who would. But there are people out there that want you to have an amazing future and they think you're throwing it away. 

But that's the point about growing. It's to prove to them and prove to yourself, that I did it. And although you may still have those people in your life and they may never leave, you can prove in the growth of your personality and the growth of your opportunity that you did it. That you had the most peaceful time doing it.

And I don't know. It was just a thought that came into my head that we all do it. I don't think there's ever a person who said, I've never lost a friend. And if you haven't lost a friend, that's really impressive and good on you. Those are homies. Keep those homies. But you also need friends that push you to do better, even if it hurts you. 

Because let's be honest, guys. In this world, having friends that tell you the truth, even if it hurts, means they care and they want you to grow. And don't just take it from them. Also give them the truth back. Give them what they could work on and see how they flourish with it. Again, outgrowing doesn't mean just outgrowing people. It means outgrowing yourself. It means trying to find the flow of where you need to be. 

Guys, I have like a confession. That sounded so dark and what a weird transition, but I have a confession. Sometimes when I get invited to go somewhere.. oh, I hate to admit it. Sometimes when I feel like I'm invited to go somewhere and it's with people that I know and I grew up with, Sometimes I sit there and I'm listening to their conversations, I'm listening to the jokes, I'm listening to the things that they're interested in, And I just sit there and my mind goes blank because I realized that the reason I love these people so much is because I love making conversation with them. But I had this moment of realizing, I don't get it anymore. And I feel guilty when I have those thoughts that I just don't get the humor. I don't get why they are complaining about these things. I don't understand why when you give them valid advice, they don't want to take it. I realized that people are going to do what they want to do and their growth doesn't depend on you. 

So I want you to remember that when you are outgrowing people that we hold on because it's familiar but there is a very big difference between being loyal to somebody versus being aligned with them. You can be loyal to so many people. You can have their backs out no matter what and tell them the truth anything like that but truly aligning yourself with where your goals are met, where your needs are met, where the love is at, it doesn't get any better than that. You can say yes to as many people, but are you truly aligned with them? 

And I want you to remember when you're starting to feel that way in a conversation or you're feeling that way at a party or a group setting, that you can release the anger. Instead of being frustrated that you're not somewhere you thought you were going to be. Release the resentment because they were never placed in your life for that reason. They were placed in your life for that season. They weren't placed there for your alignment, they were placed there because you were in misalignment. And now it's up to you to gather all these people like a shepherd and guide them to where they may need to be where you are meant to be.

But I wrote, I wrote something down and I thought maybe this could help, "outgrowing people doesn't mean you've become better it means you become different And that difference deserves space to breathe. And there's something sacred about outgrowing people. It means that you're learning, you're evolving, you're healing, even if it costs you the version of them you once knew. Maybe they were meant to be part of your becoming, not your forever."

Such big chills reading that out loud. But that was a thought I had. It means you're learning, evolving, and healing. How real is that? How much do we want that? And I think listening to myself say maybe they were meant to be a part of your becoming, not your forever. 

Do you ever realize when you are going through specific seasons, there are specific people for those seasons, that they are the reason that you have that push to do yourself better, that you end up in a position that you never thought you would end up, but you're there. You're here. At the end of the day, there's, in my perspective, in the way that I believe in my God, He is using all these people to guide me closer to His will. And if I'm going to say it in a worldly perspective, by some sort of miracle, you have been placed in the circumstance that you're in for a reason. There is no such thing as a coincidence. There's no such reason why you bump into people again and have a connection over and over again.

There is no coincidence in that. And I pray that you have full faith that you are put on this earth with a purpose and that this, this part of your becoming will last forever and ever. What you choose to do in your growth cycle, in this world, leaving impacts on people, whether it be big or small. Guess what? That lasts forever and I can't even comprehend the amazingness that that is. Outgrowing people, I don't know, just something that hit in my head and I just love it. I love it a lot. So I thank you guys for listening to this podcast.

This is post recording Shea coming back, and realizing I did not record an outro. So I thank you guys so much for listening to this "Have You Outgrown" episode. It really hit a piece of me that needed to come out. And I'm just so grateful. If anyone relates, please DM me on Instagram. It is ScoopSubconsciously. S-C-O-O-P-S-U-B-C-O-N-S-C-I-O-U-S-L-Y. On Instagram, you can tell me what you thought about it. What does it mean to outgrow people for you? Did you relate at all? Is there another perspective I might be missing? Let me know. My DMs are always open.

And again, I just wanted to thank you guys for listening to another episode and just letting my subconscious thoughts do the talking. Bye, guys.