SUBCONSCIOUSLY
Ever found yourself sharing a subconscious thought with your best friend, revealing something deep and unexpected? Shea has. Join her on SUBCONSCIOUSLY as she takes you on a journey through the raw, vulnerable, and sometimes quirky corners of her mind. Whether it’s diving into thought-provoking conversations, unpacking personal experiences with guests, or exploring curiosities that pop up in the moment, no topic is too big or small. Each episode is an invitation to embrace the unknown, to question what lies beneath the surface, and to connect with the parts of yourself you might not even realize are there. Tune in and let your mind roam freely with Shea, where honesty, introspection, and an open heart lead to unexpected revelations and personal growth.
SUBCONSCIOUSLY
ART, INTIMACY, AND ANIME w/ JAZZI
Ever wondered what it's like to revisit the hobbies you loved as a child? Join special guest host, Jazzi, as she shares her playful and candid reflections on embracing life's transitions and reconnecting with our inner selves. From mental health and evolving friendships to the intricate dance of forming connections, we'll explore the beauty of returning to past hobbies and finding solace in the familiar. Try not to laugh too loudly as we keep the volume low to avoid waking Shea's family, and enjoy the new sound effects that humorously censor those unscripted moments.
Is disconnecting from social media truly liberating, or just an invitation for awkward social gatherings? Let's reflect on the surprising relief of a notification-free existence and the social quirks that happen when you're the only one not glued to a screen. She'll share her odd fear of monkeys and a chilling sleep paralysis episode involving a shadowy figure. Dive with Jazzi into the world of smartphones, the dual nature of technology, and its impact on our interactions and personal fears.
Come along as we explore how art and literature reshape our understanding of intimacy. We'll celebrate the profound nature of non-romantic connections in manga like "Chainsaw Man" and "Fruits Basket," where deep friendships challenge conventional expectations of romance. Reflect on the intimate yet non-sexual scenes, and how stories like these profoundly impact our perception of relationships. Plus, don't miss out on a heartfelt invitation to connect with Shea on Instagram, where she promises more subconscious musings and conversations that resonate long after the episode ends.
Hi guys, welcome to Subconsciously. My name is Shea and this is a place where my subconscious thoughts do the talking. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously Today. Let's just say my subconscious is on a hiatus and today is not your typical Subconsciously episode. Yes, there is going to be some subconscious thoughts doing the talking, it's just not mine. Cause, guess what? We have a special host takeover.
Jazzi:Hello, welcome back to the podcast, folks. I am your special surprise for this evening.
Jazzi:My name is Jazzi and I'm doing a little podcast takeover yeah, so unfortunately, Shea couldn't make it to this podcast episode as she is locked in the trunk of a car and the car is being held at gunpoint. So, until further notice, I'm going to be taking over my name's Jazzi, I'm a longtime friend of Shea's. We're going to be talking about some stuff and I've written a bunch of prompts today to talk about, and Shea's going to have a wonderful time editing this podcast. As I will be talking, I'm a bit of a yapper, you see.
Jazzi:A couple of things, We're adding some new sound effects to the show, which is super exciting. I've been informed by Shea Shay beforehand to not say too many bad words, so I have to be mindful of dropping the F-bombs and S-bombs and B-bombs, so forth. So here's going to be an example of the swear word button. You're going to hear it every time somebody says a swear word. So here's an exam ple example.*DUCK* So So, if you hear that sound effect, yeah, that's a new thing that we added to the pod because no bad words are allowed. So today, currently thinking about how the year 2025 is going to go and I hope it's a better season than last year because, good God, that season sucked. Last episode of last season didn't go so well. Very strange, very weird. But hopefully this year this season season is gonna be a hoot. So, anyways, have been working a bunch. I am not a proud wage slave and, um, this is currently the life that I've chosen.
Jazzi:Yeah, no, just kidding, working a lot, been trying to get myself together, got some plans to move, which is super fun, but also very stressful at the same time. Transitional period of anything in any point of life makes me feel like when Jesse Pinkman turned his house into a meth house and yeah, no, that's just. That's just what. No, that's just what it feels like. That's just what it feels like Trying to get my mental health back in order, which actually has been going better than expected, which is pretty cool.
Jazzi:I have been thinking about old friendships and relationships and such with people that are either no longer in my life or are still in my life or have been coming back into my life, and it is a very interesting feeling because a lot of the anxieties that I used to have two years ago even doesn't feel as suffocating and we're turning over a new leaf. I've been thinking a lot about the friendships that I used to have with some people and realizing and reflecting now, as an adult, the effect that those relationships had on me, whether they were positive or negative, coming to a much better understanding of myself instead of a better understanding of the people around me.
Jazzi:Which is actually like a W for me. It's a pretty cool win. But, um, things are slowly building again in my life, which is su per awesome, slowly building the things in relationship, my life once again. I've been exploring myself old hobbies that I used to love, which is almost poetic in a way that it had me thinking about. I guess that saying, oh, like you have to come back to yourself, like she's still waiting, or some weird sappy BS that you see on TikTok all the time and turns out coming back to yourself, just means coming back to the child that you once used to be and that kind of hit for me. But yeah, just typical introduction. Trauma dumping a little bit, not actually. No, that wasn't even trauma dumping, that's just a life update. You know, things are going okay. That's pretty much it, as I have been connecting to the things that I used to know, connecting to the things that I used to love, and just quote-unquote.
Jazzi:Coming back to myself, I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings. Actually, I think one thing that I would really like to talk about is the connections that we create with the people around us and the connections that we make with anything in general, whether that would be patterns, objects, relationships, people, animals I don't know. Anything that you can make a connection with, I've probably been thinking about it. For me personally, I feel like in my generation, connecting with people and connecting with things is very, very difficult and hard and it sucks and I kind of hate it. But the biggest thing that I've been thinking about that leads to the word connection is art. Yeah, I have been thinking about art and also probably a side note it is also midnight and I am in Shea's basement and I can't make a lot of loud noises or talk loudly. Because if I do, I might get shot by her father, and I don't really want to get shot by her father because he's sleeping right now and it would be terrible if I woke him up by the sheer sound of my voice. So this is just gonna be me speaking very, very soft and sultry into the microphone for a little bit. Yeah, I probably should have let all of you people know in the introduction that it's probably going to be a little bit of a quiet one because people are sleeping anyways.
Jazzi:Um, yeah, I've been thinking about art, one of the big things that comes to mind is um, I love art. Art is very fun. I think art is in everything and art is just a huge part of the human experience that you cannot take away from. There was this one post I saw once upon a time. This person was asking chatGBT something like show me what art looks like without a human soul, and apparently that showed that person like a new perspective or something. And I think that's really interesting because I think that, even though I kind of hate ai and ai really scares me, cause I mean, like, has anyone seen the movie IR obot starring, starring Will Smith? We all remember that movie, right, very scary. How about let's not give AI and robots rights. I t hink we should give that back to people and human beings. Because w hat the f- Yeah, no, but art, sorry. Art is a beautiful thing and I personally think we have lost a connection, we have lost the plot to a lot of modern day art.
Jazzi:I feel like, personally, nowadays, I think we are losing the meaning behind art and what kind of meaning art is supposed to have. Sure, technically, art doesn't need to have a meaning, it can just exist. I believe that, like I believe art can just simply exist and just be what it is. But I also think that painting a blue circle and selling it for $400,000 isn't art, that's just stealing. That's just f-ing stealing at that point, like that. No, that's just a different level of soulless, I think, and me personally I believe art to be a reflection of current times, a reflection of humanity and a reflection of oneself, because I believe that art is supposed to make you feel something. Whether that something is very simple, such as oh, I just think it's pretty. I mean, you felt something to make you think that it looks pretty. But yeah, I think we somewhere have lost the plot in making art. We've lost the plot in making connections with things and sometimes I do feel like some cases we've lost the plot to being alive. Whoa, sh- got deep real quick. But yeah, no, I kind of do feel that because I think, again I did say earlier, sometimes connecting with people, starting new relationships, that just doesn't seem to like click so well, something t hat I've noticed.
Jazzi:I kind of live in a town full of a bunch of old people and a lot of the old people like to yap, they like to talk, they like to just open up about stuff that they did when they were younger, stuff they're doing now. Sometimes they just like to talk, to talk like they can make connections and things, which is awesome and normal, like I think that's the standard of normal that we should get back to. But sometimes, when I'm faced with a lot of people kind of around my age range. I feel a weird, certain anxiety, and I think they can feel a weird certain anxiety as well. When it comes to just saying hi, like, sometimes I feel that overwhelming anxiety where I just like, no, I don't want to f-ing talk to people right now. I can't do it. I can't do it. I don't want to talk to people. I don't want anyone to perceive me. I do not want to be perceived as a human being, I just want to be an entity that can roam the earth freely.
Jazzi:And a lot of times I yearn for a connection and I think that could definitely just be something on my behalf. But I think that it's something that a lot of people share, whether that's Gen Z, millennials, I think that's just something that we all kind of share in common. And yeah, I think we've all lost the plot on connection a little bit, and which is that okay? I don't know if that's okay, but yeah, I think, if we are able to realize, maybe, the faults and anxieties within ourselves, maybe we can come back to ourselves and come back to connecting with one another. Not only have we lost, I suppose, the desire to connect with another person, I think we've also lost the desire to connect with ourselves.
Jazzi:Thinking about the topic of connecting again, I've been thinking about the relationships that I have, used to have, currently have and are potentially rebuilding. It's made me feel a lot better with myself and a lot more comfortable in my own skin, and we love that. Oh my god, 15 year old me would have been mind blown that I'm finally comfortable. That's crazy. But yeah, I've thought about a lot of relationship dynamics that I've had, the effects that it had on me as a growing teen, as a growing child, as a growing adult, I guess.
Jazzi:How that's affected me both negatively and positively, and it's been very interesting cause now I feel like I'm in a lot more comfortable and confident, it's It's weird to say the word confident. I don't know if I'm confident. I think I just don't care. But I'm in a stage in my life where I don't care about a lot of the things that I used to care about very deeply, for example, thinking, oh my God, like what if this person thinks I'm ? weird !? They do. So you've got two options either cry about it or just continue with living. So I took the latter, which was cried about it, and then continued living. But I think I've grown a lot within the last couple of years, especially, and honestly, I think I've grown within the last few months as a person.
Jazzi:t's have moments where I think to myself like, wow, I actually did that in that friendship or relationship. And I literally look now currently and I'm like, oh, I would not do that again. Yeah, no, I would not do that again. I would rather eat scrap metal instead, which I think is growth and you know what? I'm okay with that. Anyways, we're connecting. We're connecting with myself, yeah, but I feel like, though I'm having a pretty okay experience with connecting back to myself.
Jazzi:I kind of wonder and think, hey, guys, are other people doing the same? Are you guys doing the same? Are you connecting with yourself? Are you actually taking the time to understand yourself? Are you taking the time to take care of yourself? Are you taking the time to do all of these things to better yourself, to benefit yourself? Are you doing all of those things? No, are you doing that for someone else? Because if you are, I think you should stop that and put that energy back into yourself, because what I learned is that's not healthy. I learned that from my therapist.
Jazzi:Pro tip: if anybody says quotation marks, my therapist told me end quotation marks, that is free therapy, right there, and you should take it, because I had to pay my therapist to tell me the things that made me a better human being. So, if any point again I say in this podcast, "my therapist told me, you better lock in because I paid for that information. Okay, I had to pay for that information and you get it for free. So listen up, yeah, anyways. Oh, I have um, it's not in brackets or anything, I just have it written down the doom scrolling and disconnection from ourselves and others through the use of social media. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I guess we're going to talk about social media for a little bit, because I actually recently got Instagram again, which has been interesting, and I have been pretty much social media free for about two years. Yeah, about, it's been a long time since I had like social media, social media.
Jazzi:Well, okay here's the thing the only social media that I did have for those two years was Pinterest and YouTube, because Pinterest was the safe space of social media for me cause, it's nothing but pretty pictures and vibes, and it's pretty pictures that you like, all right. And with YouTube, I literally would watch, just like hour-long videos about anything and I was having a great time.
Jazzi:And one thing that I learned about not having social media for two years was I had learned to actually notice my surroundings for the first time ever. Over exaggeration, but I think a lot of you could probably understand, not having a five inch block in your hand 24-7 kind of changes things like a lot. There's one thing that I noticed when I did not have social media, all of my notifications stopped existing and I was like, wow, wow, my phone isn't so busy and that somehow is translating into my brain as not so busy anymore because I don't hav e all these f-ing notifications popping up. So my phone's clean, it's empty, I don't need to touch it, it's awesome. Wow, this is actually an interesting feeling.
Jazzi:But at first I kind of was feeling a little bit FOMO because I'm like, oh my God, what is people posting? What is people doing this? Are people doing anything? I don't have social media anymore. I don't know how to connect with others. Yeah, no, that feeling actually didn't last that long. The world didn't end when I got rid of Instagram for the first time. It was crazy. Boom, boom, boom. I can't do the sound effect with my full voice because once again it's midnight and if I make any loud noises I will be shot on sight. So boom, boom, boom. What was the point I was getting at?
Jazzi:Oh yeah, the thing that I noticed is that, since I didn't have my phone in my hand because I didn't need it in my hand unless someone needed to text me or call me I was noticing that I guess parties, that I went to gatherings that I went to where there was lots and lots of people, so many people were on their phone and it was weird and uncomfortable being the only person in the room to not have a phone in their hand, in which it's still is a feeling that just makes me feel, ah, this is actually very painful watching people's brains rot in real time and you're allowed to think I'm one of those jacka**es that think they're better than everyone because they don't use their phone. You're allowed to think that because you would be right, and you know what I'm going to say. It gonna say I'm gonna sound like everybody's parents out there. It's because of that damn phone, and it is, it is because of that damn phone, and I believe it and honestly, I think phones are simultaneously probably the worst things we've ever had and probably one of the best inventions ever, because the entire world is in your hand and any information you could want to look up, you can look it up in literally seconds, just like that. That's crazy, that's awesome, that's amazing, but it's also very scary and also terrible at the same time.
Jazzi:The internet is a scary place to be, but it also depends on which side of the internet that you were on. But going back to, I guess, social media and people just being a little bit brain dead when it comes to their phones. We really are almost chained to these things, like no tomorrow, and I think that we should be able to reflect on that and to connect with our surroundings and probably say hi to people. Sometimes people are actually not that scary. I think you could, and I could, become one of those people that aren't so scary to say hi to. It's hard to just talk to people because I think we're afraid and we all have anxiety. There's a very deep anxiety in a lot of people these days, including me. I think the things that I am afraid of are things that probably wouldn't even happen, such as monkeys.
Jazzi:I've learned that I think that I'm very scared of monkeys. I kind of get anxiety when I see monkeys Not, for some reason, not apes. I've seen Planet of the Apes, the original Planet of the Apes, the good sh-, but the little monkeys, the ones that are considered a pest in Thailand because there's too many of them, those little monkeys I am very afraid of. I have had nightmares about those things and I cannot explain why. I had one incident the very first time I had sleep paralysis and the only time that I have had sleep paralysis. I really hope I never have this experience again, because it was petrifying. It was so petrifying but the sleep paralysis experience I had woken up, it was already the morning and I was on my back.
Jazzi:First red flag. I don't sleep on my back. I am a side sleeper and I don't know why. Every time I have slept on my back, it's always been like a bad. It's always been a bad thing. It's always been a bad thing. I sleep on my back. I've either been so defeated by the day that I just end up sleeping on my back, or if I'm sleeping on my back, I'm probably waking up from a f-ing nightmare. Back sleeping, red flag for me personally. It's probably the healthiest way to sleep is on your back. But like no, I need to be cocooned like a small animal. So I sleep on my side. But yes, I was sleeping on my back and I woke up on my back.
Jazzi:First red flag Ah, sh-. I'm looking around my room. I can't move my body. Second red flag, and then I look to the foot of my bed. It's still very dark in my room and I see this weird little shadow figure moving around at the foot of my bed and in my brain I'm like okay now, is that a cat, or is this it for me? I own cats. So my first thought was okay, maybe, maybe it's just my cat. I'm praying to God that it is my cat right now. It was not. It's moving. The shadow figure moves, it stands up. O h sh-, it is not a fu-ing cat, it's the silhouette of a monkey. My brain was like, like it was a shadow, it literally was just a black figure. But my brain saw the silhouette and it went monkey and and the thing it was, it was moving a little bit and then I had my eyes set on it and then it started doing the little. It started doing the grudge crawl towards me. If anyone's ever seen the grudge movies or if they've ever seen it in japanese it's called juwan. I think. Y'all ever seen that B- crawl scariest thing I've ever seen in cinematography. The monkey started crawling on me, charging at me, and I felt, oh, I felt no, I'm getting triggered right now.
Jazzi:Bro, I'm getting right, I'm, I, I'm, I'm glitching out, I'm getting triggered right now. Oh my, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because I felt it. I felt it crawling on me. I, oh, it felt heavy. It felt heavy and then finally, my body shot up from my bed and then I started punching my bedsheets and I think I almost had a full blown panic attack and I had to calm down because I was like, okay, I'm awake, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, there's no more monkey, there's no more shadow monkey. And, yeah, took me a minute to calm down and I literally was. I was looking through my sheets trying to find the thing, trying to find a cat. Okay, there was nothing there. After that, I continued to have nightmares about monkeys throughout the years. Not consecutively, If it was consecutively, I'd probably be in the psych ward. But, yeah, over the years I continued to have monkey nightmares, horrible, horrible feeling.
Jazzi:I don't like monkeys. Do not take me to the zoo, I will have a panic attack. No, that's where the sentence ends. Actually, Don't take me to the zoo, to the monkey exhibit, I will have a f-ing panic attack, full-blown panic attack. You will have to call 911.
Jazzi:I am afraid of monkeys. I, as a 22-year-old woman, am afraid of monkeys. I do not play with this monkey business. Okay, I don't care if I'm watching monkeys on a documentary. If you take me to the monkey exhibit, I think I might die. Can't look at them. They scare me so bad. I think I got so off track. No, actually I was talking about anxiety and fear, because talking to people is scary. Okay, we're back on track.
Jazzi:Due to our anxiety and fear of talking to people, our communication with others is kind of at an all-time low. And because we are so afraid to be talking to people, I think we are also afraid to be intimate with those around us. And here's the thing intimacy isn't always romantic. I would like to add. Intimacy isn't always romantic, intimacy isn't inherently sexual, and I think we've also forgot that intimacy isn't solely tied to those things. And I would like to talk about an artist that I have recently taken a liking to. I don't know if I talked about it earlier, but I went to a tattoo convention with my brother.
Jazzi:This tattoo artist had a booth at the tattoo convention. She had a table, she had a bunch of things out about her tattoo work. She had some tarot cards. She actually did some tarot reading. She did my tarot reading. It was super cool, super fun. But something that caught my eye, she had a book just out on the table for people to look at and I was like, okay, I'm gonna take a look at this book. And I picked up the book and I was looking through it and I was, I was, I was into it, I was very into this book. His name is Takato Yamamoto. I feel like I said that in a very, very white way, but anyways, there's an art book about the artworks of Takato Yamamoto and I was very intrigued and impressed. So this guy, a little bit about this guy.
Jazzi:Japanese artist, born in 1960, Japan, in the Akita Prefecture. Super cool, a little bit of history over here. But yeah, this artist, he had taken a lot of inspiration of. If I mispronounce anything, nobody come after me, please, but he had taken a lot of inspiration and a lot of his art from Ukiyo-e art, which is traditional Japanese arts dating back to, I think, like the 17th or 19th century, super popular, pretty cool. The Great Wave is considered Yukio-e art because I'm pretty sure that painting's from like the 17th century. Yeah, if you guys don't know what the Great Wave is, look it up, don't care. Um, I don't think I need to explain that to you.
Jazzi:This guy started taking bits and pieces of just traditional Japanese art and just creating it into his own style and just finessing it and ended up creating his own style called Heisei aesthetic. But basically what the Heisei aesthetic is, is basically depicting the grotesque and horrific and filtering it through a lens of beauty. So making super gross and nasty things, but making it pretty. I am into that, love it. Picked up this book, started looking through his art. Ooh, that's weird, weird, I want to take it home with me. Beautiful, lovely.
Jazzi:A lot of this guy's art basically is gothic eroticism. Oh, I'm already into it. Gothic eroticism, ooh, love it. Vampires, intimacy, violence, death, sexuality, Boom, boom, boom. Took all of these weird things, made it into something pretty to look at, kind of. What!? Crazy, hooked, love it. Love this guy, I think he's like, he's like some 70 year old dude, love him. Yeah, the one piece that I was looking at in this book really caught my eye and I think it's one of his most famous pieces. I think he made it in like 2008 or something and it's called the Fermentation of a Hermaphrodite, in which maybe, I should add, I think I'm pretty sure hermaphrodite is considered to be an outdated term. I think the more modern term would be intersex, but I digress.
Jazzi:Basically, the description of this art piece. Okay, how I would describe this painting? Very, very interesting. It is basically the torso of neither a man or a woman, but the face of this subject has very feminine features. The torso of this painting consists of the rib cage in skeletal form. You can see like the insides, meaning like the guts and intestines of the subject, just sitting inside of the rib cage. They also have moth wings and the bottom of the subject once you get to the pelvic area. That's kind of the crazy part, because, if I take a closer look at this, it's human but it's not human at the same time. The very bottom, I think there's the end or the tail of a koi fish. We have a depiction of female and male genitalia in intercourse. And what sits inbetween the ribcage and the pelvic area is kind of like a depiction of an egg, sort of. It is a crazy thing to look at and it is a crazy thing to describe, as you are listening right now.
Jazzi:But this caught my eye because, again, this is the craziest sh- I have ever seen and I'm super into it. It is weird, it's kind of gory, it's so strange, but it's kind of pretty to look at, at the same time, like all of these weird grotesque things to look at. It's just like in a nice fine picture or like a finely detailed picture, lik e what!? Somebody thought of this. That's crazy. That's the crazy part. Look up the picture. It's probably gonna freak you out if it doesn't. Uh, you, you're probably a cool person that I would like to talk .,
Jazzi:But but anyways, one thing that I really like about this painting is that it sparks up a conversation, because the title of this painting is the fermentation of a hermaphrodite. Hey, what does that mean? Here's the thing, thing I was doing a little bit of research and hermaphroditism. Very rare, obviously. Okay, maybe it's not that obvious to some people, but it is very, very rare in humans specifically, whereas in animals it's uncommon, but most beings that have hermaphroditism have evolved so that they don't reproduce with themselves, which is very interesting, and it's the same thing for humans. So, basically, you can't get yourself pregnant, you can't get impreg.
Jazzi:Yeah, it's just so crazy to look at, it's so crazy to look at and I, I love it, but I don't want to talk about it forever, but yeah, and then there's another piece of artwork that I was looking at. This one's a little spicy. It's simply just called vampire. This guy is super into vampires, especially vampires of the homosexual nature. Very interesting. The way that he is able to just come up with such a perfect looking piece of art like it's, like it's flat I don't know how to explain it. Like it's flat looking, but it's not flat. Like all the colors like blend so well together. His subjects just look so clean, but it's not clean. It's horrific. it's crazy. I'm in love. I'm in love. How do I? I don't. How do I describe this?
Jazzi:I don't know. I don't know if Shea's gonna edit this part out or not, but she just walked over and looked at my laptop and it's just, it's just, it's just gay vampires. I'm trying to describe this one painting and I don't know how to.
Shea:I've had headphones on this whole time guys, and I'm just looking at this picture. I don't have glasses on. Looking at this picture. Let me try to describe this for you.
Jazzi:It's this one right here.
Shea:I don't know what the context is, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but let's just say okay, so there's this one guy, he's laying. Why are you laughing? I'm trying to describe this. Okay, so there's this one guy, he's laying. This other guy, like literally took a huge bite out of his neck or whatever. I don't know what this art piece is. It's also written in Japanese, I'm gonna guess. I don't know what the heck is going on, but he just got bit. Period. Anyways, back to Jazz's takeover.
Jazzi:In order for one to feel understood, one must be seen, and in order for someone to be seen, one must be exposed. In this moment I feel exposed, especially in front of Shea as she walked over my laptop to see gay vampires. Yep, point that I think I was trying to get at. What was the point I was gonna get at? Like on a more serious note, a lot of these paintings with his depictions of vampires, it's not only something that's very grotesque and kind of strange to look at, but it's also something that's very sensual and that I personally think is actually quite beautiful. It is nice to look at, even though it's weird, even though it's a depiction of death. Death is not really something that is beautiful, but in these paintings he conveys that it is. The other thing that I was thinking about when looking at a lot of these paintings is a certain kind of intimacy to these paintings and looking back to, I think, a lot of us being afraid of connection and being afraid of opening up to others, you're also afraid of intimacy. Looking at these pictures. They are horrifying to look at, but it's like he's able to depict these paintings in such a way that shows like, yes, these are fearful things, but they are also beautiful things at the same time.
Jazzi:I love stories, I love storytelling. We are loving ourselves this year. We are reflecting on the cycles that we are currently in. Right now, whether they're healthy ones or unhealthy ones, the world is my oyster currently. But, yeah, after I finished the show, I also kept sending voice memos to Shea like seven minute long voice memo. I was sending her mini podcasts, or those mini podcast memos that I sent Shea. She just asked me to do a podcast takeover because I won't stop talking. Sorry, it's already 1: 46 am and we've been recording for over an hour and 40 minutes. This is what you're getting, guys. Ooh, one thing that I also really wanted to talk about. I had already sent several voice memos of this topic to Shea.
Jazzi:Again, I love stories, I love storytelling, but one thing that I have realized is there is a lot of tropes that I don't like and don't care for, and there's very few that I really do like, and one of the tropes that I really really do like is quotations. "More than just friends, but less than lovers trope e" quotations. That, for me personally, is my favorite trope in any story ever. Peak fiction and peak non-fiction. I just, I love it. I love it so much. I've seen a lot of well, a lot of the romance films, shows, whatever, anything that has anything to do with romance. I've personally found it not really something that like I'm really into because it's just so, it's like it's done in such a very sappy way that I don't really enjoy and it does not feel real. And the thing that I really liked looking for in something that I am consuming is, i is this something that feels real, not completely relatable, but something that I could recognize as, yeah, no, that, th at seems real. That's something that feels real. I really love that trope and a lot of the romance stories that I've seen, where we see the dynamic between the couple. It always feels like that there is something either missing within that dynamic or it feels like there's something missing in the story. It just feels like there's something missing and it just feels eh. Mine, like I'm not, I'm not fully sh-ing on romance as a genre in general, it's just not completely my thing. But, however, if there is a good romance show or book, like, if it's, if it's actually like good, then like, yeah, I'll eat that sh- up. My favorite thing about the more than just friends but less than lovers trope I personally feels like this is the epitome of what true intimacy is between two people, and I love it.
Jazzi:I'm going to be talking about Chainsaw Man right now, and if you haven't seen it, don't care. If you haven't read it, also don't care. I'm going to be talking about it because currently, right now, Chainsaw Man is my sh-. I love it. I am eating it up. Tatsuki Fujimoto, love him. He's weird and crazy and insane and I want to pick at his mind. But also I can't speak Japanese, so there's going to be a language barrier, even if I do try and pick at his mind. But again, I love a good story. Chainsaw man very good story, yeah, and I'm very happy with the first season. It's pretty solid. The first season consists of literally volumes one through five. The movie is going to be volume six and then, I don't know, maybe they'll do season two in seven years, I don't know.
Jazzi:But yeah, I'm going to be talking about the trope of more than just friends, less than lovers trope, and if you've seen Chainsaw man, I'm going to be talking about the characters Denji and Power. This is very important to me. When Denji meets Power, very funny interaction. For starters, they don't really like each other but as the show progresses they become a little more and more comfortable with each other and their personalities actually complement each other very well and the friendship they have is almost kind of unconventional in a way. You can absolutely tell Power's love language is physical touch cause she's literally always on him, like all the time, and it's always in such a very playful way. Seeing the way that Denji and Power interact with each other is very refreshing. It's very refreshing the way that Tatsuki Fujimoto has written these two characters interacting. It feels natural. It feels normal, it doesn't feel forced and it's awesome and I love it. The dynamic between these two characters, awesome, amazing. It's literally like two idiots. You put two idiots in a pot, two peas in a pot. No, it's two idiots in a pot and they share half of one brain cell. That's their character dynamic and it's awesome. I love it. And I love Power's character because she's just crazy, very self-centered, but very, very funny. The big thing that I really wanted to talk about this trope and this dynamic as the manga keeps going.
Jazzi:All the main characters and side characters go on a mission. They go back to hell. Ooh scary. It actually was. It was pretty, it was, it was a sight to read. They go back to hell. They have a weird battle in hell and then eventually I don't want to explain it, they come back from this horrible, horrendous event and Power is traumatized by it, develops PTSD. The only person to tend to her is Denji and the way that Fujimoto has written this.. chef's kiss bro. Because after this traumatic event for Power and as she develops PTSD, she no longer feels like she can do anything by herself because she's just too scared of everything. She's scared of being alive at this point. In this chapter of one of the mangas, she's afraid to be alone in any scenario. She's scared to go to the bathroom, she's scared to go outside, scared to sleep alone, and the only person who's able to help her get through this is Denji.
Jazzi:Denji's character is a very hyper-sexual teenage boy. Relatable. And this is important to Denji's character specifically because, yes, he's a very hyper-sexual hypersexual teenage boy and personally, I think his hyper-sexuality hypersexuality is based on a trauma that he does not realize is a trauma and he doesn't really realize that, he's not aware of it because he's f-ing a teenage boy. Another response of his hyper- sexuality, his he believes that the only way that you're able to love and to be loved by someone and to accept affection or to give affection and to be affectionate with someone is through sexual intimacy. That's what his traumatized brain is thinking is the only way that you could really truly care for someone is if it's intimate only on a sexual level. He also believes that that's the only way that you could actually truly love someone, which is understandable. But this is very important to the story, and I think it is important to me too, is that while he is taking care of Power power, he literally does everything with her, sleeps in the same bed, eats with her, goes everywhere with her, her holding her hand, making sure she's like alive and well.
Jazzi:We get to this one . scene First time the man is not thinking with his balls, he's actually just okay, whatever. And then the bathtub scene starts . So in manga, manga you think things are getting hot and steamy. Wow, they're getting so close together. Oh my gosh, is this gonna be a turn of events? Nope, actually it's not the kind of turn of events you think it would be. The scene is very physically intimate because not only is she like, crying, freaking out, two, these two characters who have a very close friendship with each other, they are bathing other, like Like they are naked, naked but But there is nothing inherently sexual about this experience. It is simply the act of caring for someone in a way that is personal. We finally get to this one shot where the two of them are laying in the bathtub and Denji thinks to himself like hmm, for some reason, like this, doesn't feel naughty at all. Ding ding, ding, ding ding. We see the main character has finally made a connection that there are other ways to care about someone and there are other ways to love someone without the element of sexuality. Bing bong, whoa. Personally, for me that was very beautiful. Wow, who would have thought that giving someone a bath would be character development? That's pretty funny in a way. But yeah, getting back to the point, there are other ways to love somebody, there are other ways to be intimate with someone without the element of. sexuality Because because sometimes just, just , doesn't need to be that element to be close to someone. We see him realize. that Might not be like a whole revelation for this character, but we see him start making some connections. I am eating sh- shit up. I am gnawing on the iron bars of my enclosure.
Jazzi:Tatsuki Fujimoto is onto something, because the way that this man is able to portray and write intimacy without any sexual elements is amazing. He is showing in his art the different kinds of relationships that the characters have with each other is amazing, and it's just like a reflection back to myself. Like wow, like the relationships that I can have with other people, the relationships that you people can have with other people, but the relationships that we all can have with others can actually be amazing. Isn't that crazy? We can find different ways to truly be intimate and to be affectionate with each other. We can find different ways to love people. We can discover the ways that people need to be loved and cared for. Wow.
Jazzi:Even though these two fictional characters in this series have an unconventional male and female relationship, it's still something that I really think about a lot like wow. And I think that is the thing missing in a lot of romance is to be able to be close to someone on an emotional level, because when you simply just have love for someone, it is never enough. Sorry newsflash, it's never enough. There's got to be other elements in order to make the relationship really flourish and work, because love is never enough. Unfortunately, bing bong. I'm so sorry, but killing off my two favorite characters that that's got to be a crime. That is a crime, but the way they died, it fits the story. Got to give it to Fujimoto. Got to give it to Fujimoto. Hey, no, it's for character development. For the main character, it's character development. I want to put his head on a stake. Anyways, to finish up on my little chainsaw man rant.
Jazzi:Watching their relationship flourish, you would be thinking to yourself hmm, they are very compatible. Why wouldn't they date? Well, it's one of those things where, if you were to think about it, these two characters were close enough to be bathing each other with no romance. That's very wow. The scene's simply what it was. I don't know any other way to explain it other than this is just what it is. A bath, not really anything more. A friend giving another friend a bath because they are too afraid to be alone. Personally, I don't know if I could share anyone else's bath water, because that's no, I'm sorry, okay, more than friends, less than lovers. God, my favorite trope of all time. It's so good, it is so good, it's so good. Oh, anytime that trope is written, the creator of a show or a series of any kind, whenever they write that trope into the show, unstoppable, literally unstoppable, unstoppable duo, whoa. But yeah, I'm gonna go on a mini Fruits Basket rant. I re-watched that show a little while ago, the original Fruits Basket, like the one from 2001.
Jazzi:Haven't seen the new Fruits Basket. Haven't seen it, but apparently the second one, It's more true to the manga. It has three whole seasons. Only watched the first episode of the new Fruits Basket. Um, I cried, it was a lot. But I did not finish watching the rest of it because personally I don't, I'm not really prepared to see the whole thing in action just yet, and also Shea would get really mad at me. She would get really mad at me. So I have not watched it yet because she doesn't want me to watch it without her.
Jazzi:But yeah, I watched the original Fruits Basket from 2001 and I watched the first episode. It actually left me in tears. I cried. It wasn't just like, oh, I'm sad, like I was crying. I was crying after episode one. Are you kidding me?
Jazzi:Episode one, and I'm already shedding tears, crying myself to sleep, because I watched Fruits Basket as a child. I was like eight. Fruits Basket holds a really special place in my heart, wow, wow. Because when I watched the first episode, suddenly I was eight years old again. It's a winter night. I'm dissociating as a young child, dissociating because of how my life is currently at the time. My sister wraps a blanket around me to warm me up. She puts the Fruits Basket DVD that she rented from the local library and sits next to me as we watch the show.
Jazzi:Suddenly, after watching the first episode, as a 22-year-old woman, suddenly I felt like I was eight years old again. We were having revelations. We were coming back to our inner child just because we're watching f-ing anime. Isn't that crazy? I'm sorry if you guys keep hearing duck noises, that's my fault. However, I also read the manga for Fruits Basket as well. I'm big on manga, guys. I'm big on reading pictures. I'm really big on reading pictures. I love it, yeah, but I read the manga. I finished reading the manga, but I did that when I was like 12, so I actually don't really remember too much of what happened in the manga, but I know the premise of the story.
Jazzi:I remember how it made me feel and now I am collecting the collector's edition of the Fruits Basket manga. I've got volumes one and two. That's all, because I'm still looking for the rest. Anyways, I wanted to talk about the friendship dynamic between Yuki and Tohru, the two main characters, and, honestly, growing up, I was kind of a Yuki stan, sister and Shea, on the other hand, were Kyo stans and, honestly, understandable, I was a Yuki stan.
Jazzi:I love that rat and, yeah, the artist was onto something when she decided that the premise of the show was the Sohma family. They have something called the zodiac curse, in which the curse states that members of the zodiac are not able to hug or embrace someone of the opposite sex Because if they do, then they turn into one of the animals of the Zodiac. Example, Yuki, one of the main characters of Fruits Basket, is cursed by the rat, so if he hugs a girl then he will turn into a rat, but only temporarily. I think were on to something, because not only are they not able to embrace someone of the opposite sex. That also creates such a divide in being able to create connections and only very limited connections with certain people, and being able to open up.
Jazzi:Because this show, every single episode, banger. They're always whipping out something emotional. They're always whipping out something profound. Love it, love it. When I re-watched Fruits Basket 2001, every episode left me in tears. I'm not kidding, I don't know if that was just like the inner child in me crying as an adult, but I was left in tears. Also it's almost 2:30 in the morning and update on Shea, she's passed out completely. She's snoring. I am still in her basement. At this point, I'm going to be in her walls.
Jazzi:Friendship dynamic between the two characters, Yuki and Tohru. Amazing. Because at first, first you really think to yourself oh, these two characters are going to be like the main ship, the main couple, these two are going to be the ones that fall in love with each other. But then we come to realize, hey, actually maybe this is not going where we think it's going. And it's very important to me because Yuki, main character very closed off because he's a f-ing rat. He's very closed off because he can turn into a rat. He's only able to make very limited connections with people. He's really only like truly connected and somewhat like emotionally intimate with certain members of his family and really no one else because he's a f-ing rat. When she finds out about the Zodiac curse, big thing, very big thing. But for Yuki, for her to find out that Yuki could turn into a f-ing Rat, it's- It's such a funny sentence to say.
Jazzi:Tohru to know the truth about Yuki and that he can turn into a rat. It is very important to him because then it becomes the very first time that he is able to open up to anyone that isn't a part of his family, and it is also the first time he opens up to someone that's a woman. The first time he really opens up and starts a genuine friendship with anyone ever. That's important. And you think that, oh, since these two characters are so like, lovable, they seem compatible and like perfect and great with each other. Not really, and for me, their friendship is very important because Yuki, being very closed off and very alone, very much in his solitude, chooses and also just isn't able to connect with those around him, whereas Tohru, on the other hand, is able to easily connect with those around her, even if they are misunderstood.
Jazzi:The perfect friendship dynamic, cause again, this is the first time Yuki is able to open up to anyone else ever and they know the truth about him, which is he's a f-ing rat. It's very important because it's the first time he is actually genuinely accepted by someone else and it's not because, oh like, I accept you because you're a rat. No, Tohru doesn't think about that. Tohru doesn't think about him as a rat, she just thinks of him as a person for the first time ever and he experiences being intimate with someone on an emotional level.
Jazzi:This is where I'm getting at. When the creator fruits basket was onto something, because so many of these characters end up becoming a lot more emotionally available with the main character, Tohru, without it being romantic. Specifically Yuki, he's able to be just completely open with Tohru. He's able to be emotionally open and intimate with her without touching her. That's it, dude. That is it. This is what I mean about the trope of more than just friends, less than lovers. That I feel like this trope beats almost any other trope, and it doesn't even matter on the gender of the friendship. It doesn't. Because the most important thing is the intimacy and the trust between two or more characters, most of the time, two. That is what I love. That is what I eat up, that is what I consume, because it's just perfect and it sits very well, when it is written well and when it is done well, with the dynamic between Yuki and Tohru. Love it. It's so amazing, like, honestly, nothing can beat this. I really don't think anything can beat this. It is a great show..
Jazzi:I haven't seen the new one. I want to watch the new one soon but, like I also have to prepare emotionally because I feel like it's going to hit me like a freight train and it's going to make me vomit due to the fact that I will be crying so hard that I will end up vomiting. The ending was good because I remember the feeling that it gave me and it was a good feeling. I don't really remember a lot of the manga, but I also do at the same time. I remember the feelings that it gave me and it was also very good. I'm also scared. I'm scared to watch it. I'm scared to reread it. I have to be prepared.
Jazzi:But, yeah, being able to write and portray two characters without the element of romance or sexuality, being able to truly be close together on a very, very intimate level. Peak writing. I feel like all the shows that I'm talking about right now are the ones that I really like, that I think are peak. I just love this dynamic. It works so well. It works so well. We love to see it. Everybody loves to see it. Everyone loves watching this, everybody loves reading it, and nobody can change my mind. Nobody can change my mind. You see, like the feeling that you get when you're watching or reading these series and this trope comes into play. Your mind automatically goes to, okay, romance, but then you just feel this thing in your stomach, in your heart, where you're like no. That's the feeling that I have for pretty much all of these shows, because then you just kind of have to accept hey, actually these relationships are perfect just the way that they are. Wow, and we don't need to do no switching up, we don't need to do no adding some spice. We don't need none of that sh-. We don't need that extra element that all of Hollywood wants. Yeah, and honestly, I've been talking for so, so, so long. I think I need to wrap it up, but the way that all of these I'm pretty sure all of these shows are ended not for chainsaw man, though that's still ongoing and I'm not prepared for when it ends I'm currently on part two. Part two is still being worked on and it's still being written. Part one is out.
Jazzi:Oh my god, it crushed me. The thing about all of these shows that I kind of talked about everything that I like to watch and everything I like to read and consume. Every time I consume something, every time I watch something, every time I read something, every time I look at a piece of art, I become kind of narcissistic because I always reflect back onto myself and that's just a very natural thing for me to do. But I also do think a lot about others. But yeah, whatever I consume, I like to reflect on myself. I like to reflect on my personality, maybe the choices I've made.
Jazzi:I think as well for a lot of people, we tend to do the same things when we consume anything. We always, always reflect on ourselves. We think about ourselves. Pretty normal, and I think we all yearn for the relationships that we see, but we are all almost too afraid to create the relationships that we want to have. And currently I think I'm going to start doing that now because I'm tired of just seeing where things go. I think it's time that this year we all take action and do the things that we want to do and not be held back by the thought of looking stupid or the thought of being embarrassed. I think we can all throw that out the window, because that was so last year.
Jazzi:Anyways, I think we should create more, whether that be creating new relationships, creating the relationships that we want to have, creating art, creating things that we like, putting our brains back into creative mode and make space for, for new things. And I'm gonna wrap this up now, because I'm literally running out of space on the laptop and it's three in the morning. Thank you guys for listening. If you've been listening this long, you deserve a small trophy. Thanks to Shea for letting me yap. I had a lot to say, and you know what.
Jazzi:Thank you guys for listening.
Jazzi:Okay, bye!
Shea:Hi guys, how did you like that episode? How did you like miss Jazzi being the podcast host? I thought that would be a really cool thing to do. Maybe once in a while, once in a blue moon, get a different perspective than, obviously, mine, because why would you just want one perspective for the rest of your life? I think it's good to expand our horizons, so I really pray that I can get her back in the future. But I hope you guys learned something a little bit about intimacy, things that we learned about through her childhood animes and just expanding our mind a little bit about diving into ourselves and how we perceive intimacy. That's what I really got out of it.
Shea:But, alas, where can you find me when I'm not being your host and I am not around? You can find me on Instagram at Scoop Subconsciously S-C-O-O-P-S-U-B-C-O-N-S-C-I-O-U-S-L-Y Scoop Subconsciously on Instagram.
Shea:I thank you guys so much for tuning in and truly giving this podcast so much love, and I would really appreciate it if you leave a rating or a review on any of the platforms that you listen to this podcast on. It truly, truly helps me grow, but it also truly helps me know that you're enjoying this podcast and that you want me to keep going. So, yes, that is everything. I truly, truly hope and pray that you have an amazing day, wherever you are, no matter what time you're listening. Thank you, I'll see you guys next time where my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
Shea:Bye, guys!.