TO BE ALONE OR TO SETTLE?
SHEA: [00:00:00] Hi guys, welcome to another episode of Subconsciously. My name is Shea, and this is the place where I let my subconscious thoughts do the talking.
[00:00:11] Think. Feel. Subconsciously.
[00:00:23] Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Subconsciously. I just want to dive right into today's topic. And it is a What's Scarier episode. What's scarier? Being alone or settling for the wrong person? Dun dun duh! I will say, being in a single mindset, both are very scary situations to be in and especially if you're not content with where your life is in the single aspect, it can make you do a lot of silly things.
Now, it's [00:01:00] on to the question, what's scarier? Being alone or settling for the wrong person? Being alone was a very scary part of my life, because not only does it force you into isolation, but it also forces you to get to know yourself when you really don't want to get to know yourself. But, if you don't get to know yourself while you're single, and have the freedom to be single, and you end up settling for someone who you think could be forever, is so scary.
In my personal opinion, I think settling for the wrong person is more scarier than being alone. I can handle now, at 21, being by myself. And having all the freedom to figure my life out, I can have a job, I can do this podcast, I can manage my money the way I want to do it, I can have the hobbies I want to have, I can do everything freely.
I can go work [00:02:00] out, I can go do my music, I can go hang out with friends, I don't have to answer to anybody. But when you're not content with your life. When you're not interested in your own personal freedom and you find someone and you pretty much hire them, in a way, you're hiring them to figure your things out.
You're hiring them to figure out your life. And by hiring them, you are also settling for them because you're like, "Oh my gosh, this guy is so interested in me. I don't have to figure this part of my life out." Or you use them as a distraction, or maybe you think it's genuinely love. But do you know yourself at the end of the day?
Do you truly trust your instincts when you are single and not content with your life? When you're only working, when you're only doing this. And that's the thing about settling for another person, is on all the things you should be grateful for while you have the freedom to do so. [00:03:00] And while you have the freedom to discover yourself in all aspects of being a human being. The scariest part about settling for someone else is because you don't know yourself well, you're also opening up yourself to letting that person take advantage of you and using the parts of yourself that you don't know well and using it to their advantage.
And I'm only saying this only if they are a bad person, obviously. No one just goes around manipulating people. But alas, it happens. Also, in my personal opinion, when you don't discover the parts of yourself you know you should've, while you have the time to do so, and because you're so desperate to find someone, because you're not wanting to be alone because you don't want to be for so many reasons in this world, obviously.
When you settle for the wrong person, it can also open yourself up to a [00:04:00] lot of unnecessary hurt, not just for yourself, but for that person. Because, say, you do end up liking them, and you do end up in this relationship, and you're like, let's say, a month, or a year, or two years, or three years, doesn't matter how much time has passed, and you find out and you realize you did not take the time to discover yourself or try new things or make new friends. You're gonna realize, settling for the wrong person is just as bad as being alone.
Because not only, when you get to that point where you realize you should've discovered yourself first, and you're so deep into it, you're going to hurt that other person just as bad as hurting yourself. Cause, Now they're gonna think that they were the problem, when in actuality, you should have been figuring out [00:05:00] your things.
You should've been testing these things way before you got into that relationship. You should've discovered yourself, tried that new Pilates class, go out to singles nightclubs, should've went out and just made new friends, because now you're putting all that burden and hurt onto another person.
Which is totally unfair. And also you wanna know what's really scary is when you settle for another person, it's just as bad as being alone It truly, truly is because although you think you're not alone and you're kind of getting into the groove of everything and you're saying, The "I love yous" you're telling them how much you care for them and they're saying how much they care for you.
Deep down inside there's still a part of you, that's carrying all this burden. Especially if you don't go to therapy or talk it out with somebody. It can feel just as isolating to settle for someone than be alone. And this is coming from someone who's done it both. Who's settled for somebody [00:06:00] and who's been alone. Being alone isn't that bad.
Truly, it's really not. When you're first getting out of a relationship, you're like, "oh, this sucks." But it's all because you're getting out of a habit. You're getting out of a habit of loving somebody. You're getting out of a habit of not thinking about yourself. I've also, let me put it out there, I've never been in a position where I've been single for the time that I have.
I've been single for almost two years now, there are people who have never been in a relationship. And honestly, kudos to them. At least, they're thinking about the standards they want in a person, they are thinking about themselves and their future, and they live by their total rules. When you have another person, you're compromising.
Or, it's one person's way over another. And that is so scary. If you didn't sign up for that, and you're settling because you don't think you can do better, I think you need to take some time to reflect. Because for me, [00:07:00] personally, I did most of my reflection time while being single and being alone. I've gone through the isolation.
I've also gone on multiple dates where I thought this person could be my everything. But then I realized, no, I'm just settling for an idealistic version of them because I've only been on two dates with them at a time. Am I insane? Yeah.Yeah. Because I knew deep down inside, I just want to fill a void and trust me when you fill your own cup first, that relationship you're waiting for, that person who comes into your life, you won't have to settle for.
Because they'll be everything; They won't be everything, but there'll be most of the things on your checklist. You won't be glaring at a bunch of red flags in front of you being like, "how did I get here? Oh yeah. I didn't want to be alone." Silence speaks volumes. [00:08:00] And sometimes being alone also speaks volumes. You don't have to be in a relationship.
Plain and simple. You don't have to. Most people die single. I'm, I'm not saying that all people die single. I'm saying there are people who love their life. I'm saying there who don't want to rely on another person. There are people who go out and make their own families by themselves because they are satisfied in what they can give on their own.
They don't need to settle down for some guy they're probably gonna have to take care of. So to answer your question, what do I find scarier? Settling for the wrong person. Being alone has its disadvantages. I get that. I understand it completely, but it also has a lot of more pros than it does cons. [00:09:00]And those people who say being alone is scarier really haven't taken the time to fully find the root of themselves.
It is okay to crave a relationship, but it is another to settle for one. I will say that again proudly, mind you, it is okay to crave a relationship. But, it's another to settle for one. And I won't deny, being alone, the cons of being alone, sometimes suck. You still deal with loneliness, even through your journey of finding yourself, you still crave affection.
And there's nothing wrong with that. But there is something wrong with settling. Settling not only hurts you, but it hurts other people. Settling not only hurts you, but it can hurt your family. Settling doesn't just hurt you, it can hurt your friends. Settling doesn't just hurt [00:10:00] you, it can hurt your kids.
And I don't know anything about kids, but I know, watching many families as I grew up, my friends families, my exes families, I've seen the way love is portrayed when a partner has settled for another and it is not pretty. There's a lot of doubt that can be created. And I've also seen what partners do, parents do, when they have kids and they've realized they've settled in their marriage, in their role.
And they finally find a moment to themselves, and a moment of clarity, where they realize they should've done something, but they didn't. But then they stay with their partner, because it would be beneficial for the kids. But then you also see how a family can be torn apart that way too. Of course, [00:11:00] sometimes settling, It's a good thing for some people, but in my opinion, it creates more damage than it does good.
And I won't deny in both my long term relationships, and maybe this is why I hate settling so much. I won't deny in, maybe the first, two of my relationships. I settled. Why? Because I didn't think I was gonna do better, yet every single person I've been with have told me you could do better. And especially if that person is a man telling you, a female, woman, that you can do better.
Believe it. Just run the other direction and break it off while you can. Because both of the people who told me I could do better, did really bad things towards the end of the relationship, and really proved to me, yeah, I can do better. So to answer the question, what's [00:12:00] scarier, being alone, or settling for another person?
I think it's scarier to settle in all aspects of life, not even just in people, but in anything where you feel too comfortable. You can't grow. And at least if I'm alone, I have a sense of uncertainty or uncomfortability where I can search, grow in things that I love, in the people that are in my life that surround me and fill me with love.
Those are the things I want a deep root into. I don't want a deep root into a person just because they're there I want a deep root in things that matter and so I will say and end and answer that question [00:13:00] With saying, settling for the wrong person is definitely scarier and I could have millions and millions of episodes of why settling for the wrong person is absolutely the worst.
It's gonna come up in a future episode where I talk about the most messed up dating slash relationship experiences I've had, but I'm just not ready to make that episode yet, but that's it guys. Thank you guys for listening to Subconsciously. My name is Shea, and if you had anything to say at all about this episode, whether you think being alone is scarier, your thoughts on being alone, or the pros and cons of settling for someone.
And I know this episode kind of just was me on a tangent about people settling, but it's my podcast. And these are just my thoughts, pouring out of me.
But I have [00:14:00] an Instagram page for the Subconsciously podcast. It is called Scoop. Subconsciously. S C O O P S U B C O N S C I O U S L Y. Very long user, but Scoop Subconsciously is the Instagram where you can reach, where you can see all of the many things behind the scenes, and I'm really excited to start this journey with you guys.
and really see where our subconscious thoughts take us. And I'm so glad that you're here for the ride. Thank you so much for listening. And I will catch you guys on the next episode of Subconsciously, where my subconscious thoughts do the talking. Bye guys.
[00:14:53] Think. Feel. Subconsciously.